Rough draft brought on by depression

I fear I have lost myself,
But how can you lose something that was never there to begin with?
I am an idea
undeveloped
undefined
uncertain

In the photos I remember having took
There is a moment of truth captured
I was there
So were you
Doesn't that make us something?
Friends? Lovers? Teammates? What?
And does it mean anything now?

My memories are but short films
in which I never starred
Where was I?
Where was I in my own life and who have I become?
I was once a dancer, a student, a musician, a writer, a teammate,
I was someone's friend or lover,
But it all seems so hazy

Everyone has disappeared in the fog
I seek these friends lost
those supposed friends
whose support wavered
whose presence waned

I see their friends and lovers
and our relationship pales in comparison
even though I sat by you
held your hand when you cried
nursed you back to health when you were sick
cheered for you
laughed with you

It is not them that has disappeared into a mist
It is I
I am but a spirit with no real mark
I am undefined
I am a waste
of flesh
of time
of thought
of feeling
of blood

I have left no distinguishing mark in history

I was never a dancer, a student, a musician, a writer, a teammate
I was never a friend
never a lover
I doubt I was ever alive