You are living life the way you feel, and that is real

So I am settlling into this new life. I'm getting better at it with each day. I am keeping ontop of bills and my work. I'm eating 2 to 3 meals a day and getting plenty of rest (see Mom, no need to worry). Tonite I felt really adjusted. I was able to come home from work and go out to dinner with a friend (I love you Holly! You are so awesome). I got home and watched a movie with my roomate and now I am getting some more work done. My living space is getting more homey. I bought a shelf and put it together on my own! I think it really helps the room out. Now I need a real bed and a desk. For those who do not know I am living on an air matress for now. I should be buying a bed this weekend with my FIRST teacher paycheck. Go me!
I'm finding my place in the world. I'm feeling good about it. It is awefully scary at times, but I know things will work out. They always do.
Thanks so much to my friends for all they have done for me. I love you! Through you I make it.

A Letter from C'eleste

I've accepted your apologies so many times. Times when I should have walked away; times I should have screamed back; times I should just forget. You swore things would change, but I neglect to see what ever changed. You said you tried, tried what? I don't understand it. Things never changed, the cycle never ended. We just continue to hurt eachother. I take this as a sign that I have to end this. I feel like I have to be there to pick up the peices, to make sure you make it through the weeks.
You said that you've never loved anyone like you've loved me. You say that I am all these things, when I am not. I can't be. I can't be the greatest thing to ever walk into your life. I've never been able to handle that pressure. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I will always be messing things up. Let me quote Jenny Lewis - "And I say there's trouble when everything is fine, the need to destroy things creeps up on me everytime."
There are so many other things you need to focus on right now. Forget me. You have school, a future to worry about. You have your family and right now your family needs you whether you want to admit it. There's a better girl out there for you. One that doesn't run away, one that isn't so damn self centered. One that will love you and take care of you in a way I never have or will be able to.
And yes, I accept your apology once again. Though I think getting mad and hating you would be better. I'm sorry I tried, I'm sorry I broke your heart all those times. I'm just bad news.

Ja ne,
C'eleste

New and old

Is it right to abandon the old for the new? With my new life beginning is it right for me to say goodbye to all I once knew? I feel like that is what I am doing. I feel myself leaving that behind. There are things I will miss, but they aren't me anymore. I miss the radio station, but I know Whilden is doing a great job. I know he will do better than I did, though I did bust my ass, I can't deny that.
Old people are disappearing, anyone still tied to the college life. There were people I didn't even say goodbye to, which is terrible. I just don't know if there is enough to keep me connected. My last semester I cut a lot of ties. I seperated myself from people I was friends with at one point.
What is the new? The new job, starting to make new friends, starting to make it in a world different than the old life people know.
I hope I am making the right decisions. I hope I make it. I know I will somehow. I've gotten this far.

Let's get it Started

Ok so a week and a day done of my new job. I am feeling pretty good, and why not? The principal is gushing over my work and other teachers are seeing a great differencein my students. I don't know how and when they see these kids, but hey the praise is great. I have a few behavior problems to deal with, let's hope I can get it under control. I should be getting a few more kids.

This is it for the update. I don't have my computure because it is still getting "fixed." Hopefully I will get it back by the end of the month. *crosses fingers* till then I am going to use the computer at school. Back to work. This job sure keeps me busy!

New Year, New Beginnings

Here I sit in my new apartment on the first of the new year getting ready to start my new job. Pretty exciting. The moment I've waited for most of my life. Here it is.
So far I have no furniture and I sleep on the floor. I'm not exactly clear on everything my job requires of me according to the district because they haven't called me. I suppose they may have, but I have not had a phone till now. Either way I better get paid on time. I could use the cash.
This is supposed to be the life, the real world, let's see how it goes.