Florida is Forever
As I spin the stars around my finger, I take it all in. I gaze at this ring you gave me and know that it may be the last, or perhaps the first. If for now, the only.
We've talked about it, made plans. I've thought about it, and freaked out. A month or two ago it seemed like a dream we wanted to share and bring to life. It sounded nice, but now it sounds scary. Do you realize what you ask when you ask for Florida? I don't think you do. Florida is for life.
I said I needed time to think about things, discover the me I am when I am not with anyone. For the past 5 years I've been from man to man running away from everything. You said you understood, but that the me I am without you should be the same me I am when I am with you. I don't agree. You, being 9 years my senior, must have had time to assess things you've been through. I have not. We both know I have been through some shit, everyone has. Here I am standing out on my own (though I have been seemingly on my own for a very long time) and ready just to be for the moment. I need some time to be this me, the one that lives outside all lines I knew before. I'm no longer the girl working 5 jobs to pay for school while doing my damnedest to keep a 3.5+ gpa. I am now the woman that works her 60hours a week (paid for 40), has her own place to live and a new set of rules to live by; the woman who has come to terms with the past and moved on. I can't be her without a little time on my own. I can't quiet all the buzzing in my head if my focus is us and Florida. Florida is for life.
With all this talk of breaks, and finding self, you are so unsure. You thought we were together on this, that is was a sure bet. You asked me if I needed you to ask me to marry you and said that you weren't ready for that. Neither am I. Don't you understand? By asking me to move with you to Florida, you are asking me to be with you for life.
I made a move, changed my life for I boy I thought I loved before. Look where it landed me! I was stuck in a horrible relationship in a horrible place where I do not fit in. I still don't fit in. I went through a terrible emotional ordeal because I moved for a boy I thought I was in love with at the time. I don't know if I am ready for that again. Florida is for life.
You said to call you when I figure out it out. I will, but for right now I am a 23 year old woman facing a big change and desiring a close to her past. Emotional pain and baggage is not for life, but Florida is. And I love you so much.
We've talked about it, made plans. I've thought about it, and freaked out. A month or two ago it seemed like a dream we wanted to share and bring to life. It sounded nice, but now it sounds scary. Do you realize what you ask when you ask for Florida? I don't think you do. Florida is for life.
I said I needed time to think about things, discover the me I am when I am not with anyone. For the past 5 years I've been from man to man running away from everything. You said you understood, but that the me I am without you should be the same me I am when I am with you. I don't agree. You, being 9 years my senior, must have had time to assess things you've been through. I have not. We both know I have been through some shit, everyone has. Here I am standing out on my own (though I have been seemingly on my own for a very long time) and ready just to be for the moment. I need some time to be this me, the one that lives outside all lines I knew before. I'm no longer the girl working 5 jobs to pay for school while doing my damnedest to keep a 3.5+ gpa. I am now the woman that works her 60hours a week (paid for 40), has her own place to live and a new set of rules to live by; the woman who has come to terms with the past and moved on. I can't be her without a little time on my own. I can't quiet all the buzzing in my head if my focus is us and Florida. Florida is for life.
With all this talk of breaks, and finding self, you are so unsure. You thought we were together on this, that is was a sure bet. You asked me if I needed you to ask me to marry you and said that you weren't ready for that. Neither am I. Don't you understand? By asking me to move with you to Florida, you are asking me to be with you for life.
I made a move, changed my life for I boy I thought I loved before. Look where it landed me! I was stuck in a horrible relationship in a horrible place where I do not fit in. I still don't fit in. I went through a terrible emotional ordeal because I moved for a boy I thought I was in love with at the time. I don't know if I am ready for that again. Florida is for life.
You said to call you when I figure out it out. I will, but for right now I am a 23 year old woman facing a big change and desiring a close to her past. Emotional pain and baggage is not for life, but Florida is. And I love you so much.
posted by C'eleste @ 11:53 PM
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