Bipolar coaster

I wonder if my condition is worse on me or those around me. I suspect it must be nearly impossible to deal with me in the lows and in my bizarre highs. I can't imagine the thoughts or feelings they have, or if they having any concerning the matter. Very few have dealt with the hardest hitting moments. I try to reserve those for me and me alone. I don't want to burden those close to me or further alienate myself. It gets lonely crying in the shower or into pillows, screaming without sound so no one hears.
It's something no one can truly understand unless they go through it. Those who don't understand it are the first to trivialize it with "everyone gets that way" "it's just a phase" "get over it" and so on. I think these people can be one of two ways: 1. They see and don't know what to do or 2. They don't see it at all or chose not to see it.

It's up and down. This plunge is almost crippling, but I'll smile and pretend that each day is a happy blessing.